Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
