just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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