My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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