My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize