he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
