Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
