my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
