he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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