So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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