The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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