The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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