Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize