The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
two words...techno handjob
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
