He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
