I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
