Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
