Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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