I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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