I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
