yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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