Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
