I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
