i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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