I want you more than these girls want KFC
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
