I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
the raccoons are back...
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