i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Come on in and take your pants off
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