I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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