i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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