as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
