Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
is wine microwaveable?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
