whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i love accidental penises.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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