kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
