Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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