God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
