Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
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I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
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Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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