A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
