giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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