Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
