You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
