So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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