thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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