Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
