i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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