You don't have asthma, your pregnant
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
