walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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