I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
