I want to stick my p in your. b.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
