their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
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I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
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But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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