There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
