the condom got lost in my hair
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
