His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
