I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
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She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
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I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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