I showed him my bush... on skype.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize