You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
