I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think my moral compass just broke
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
