Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
