I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
