Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
