I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
