fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
