just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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