Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
