I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
