you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
