***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
is wine microwaveable?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
