I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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