We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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