Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
