Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I could fuck to npr.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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