so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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