You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
