No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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