Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
