You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
