i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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