my mouth tastes like poor choices
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
