dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
