I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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