just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
