Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
