All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
