For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the day after is always just damage control
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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