I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread