I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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