toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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