Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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