I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
