Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
