and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
