SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
