I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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